Hannah and Her Sisters is a 1986 American comedy-drama film which tells the intertwined stories of an extended family over two years, written and directed by Woody Allen.
You can find this monologue and hundreds of others on Colin’s Movie Monologue page. The entire script can be found on the www.awesomefilm.com site.
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Mickey Sachs (Woody Allen):
Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds, and, and in the end, none of ’em knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do.
Ss–I read Socrates. You know, n-n-n–, this guy used to kn-knock off little Greek boys. What the hell’s he got to teach me?
And, and Nietzsche with his, with his Theory of Eternal Recurrence. He said that the life we live, we’re gonna live over and over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I, uh, I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Tch. It’s not worth it. And, and Freud, another great pessimist. Jeez, I was in analysis for years. Nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated. The guy finally put in a salad bar.
FATHER FLYNN:
Now why do you think that you would like to convert to Catholicism?
MICKEY:
Well, uh, because, y-you know, I gotta have something to believe in, otherwise life is just meaningless.
FATHER FLYNN:
I understand. But why did you make the decision to choose the Catholic faith?
MICKEY:
Tch. Well, y-you know…first of all, because it’s a very beautiful religion. It’s a strong religion. It’s very well structured. Now I’m talking now, incidentally, about the-the, uh, against-school- prayer, pro-abortion, anti-nuclear wing.
FATHER FLYNN:
So at the moment you don’t believe in God.
MICKEY:
No. A-a-and I-I want to. You know, I’m-I’m willing to do anything. I’ll, you know, I’ll dye Easter eggs if it works.
I-I need some evidence. I gotta have some proof. Uh, you know, i- i-if I can’t believe in God, then I don’t think life is worth living.
FATHER FLYNN:
It means making a very big leap.
MICKEY:
Yes, but, can, can you help me?
MICKEY:
I don’t understand. I thought that you would be happy.
MICKEY:
Well, because I never thought of God in my life. Now I’m giving it serious thought.
FATHER:
But Catholicism? Why not your own people?
MICKEY:
Because I got off to a wrong foot with my own thing, you know. B-b- b-but I need a dramatic change in my life.
FATHER:
You’re gonna believe in Jesus Christ?
MICKEY:
I know it sounds funny, but I’m gonna try.
FATHER:
But why? We raised you as a Jew.
MICKEY:
So, just ’cause I was born that way… You know, I’m old enough to make a mature decision.
FATHER:
But why Jesus Christ? Why, for instance, shouldn’t you become a Buddhist?
MICKEY:
A Bud–? That’s totally alien to me. Look, you’re getting on in years, right? Aren’t you afraid of dying?
FATHER:
Why should I be afraid?
MICKEY:
Oh! ‘Cause you won’t exist!
FATHER: So?
MICKEY:
That thought doesn’t terrify you?
FATHER:
Who thinks about such nonsense? Now I’m alive. When I’m dead, I’ll be dead.
MICKEY:
I don’t understand. Aren’t you frightened?
FATHER:
Of what? I’ll be unconscious.
MICKEY:
Yeah, I know. But never to exist again!
FATHER:
How do you know?
MICKEY:
Well, it certainly doesn’t look promising.
FATHER:
Who knows what it will be? I’ll either be unconscious or I won’t. If not, I’ll deal with it then. I’m not gonna worry now about what’s gonna be when I’m unconscious.
MICKEY:
Mom, come out!
MOTHER:
Of course there’s a God, you idiot! You don’t believe in God?
MICKEY:
But if there’s a God, then wh-why is there so much evil in the world? What– Just on a simplistic level. Why-why were there Nazis?
MOTHER:
Tell him, Max.
FATHER:
How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can opener works.
KRISHNA LEADER:
What makes you interested in becoming a Hare Krishna?
MICKEY:
Well, I’m not saying that I want to join or anything, but…but I know you guys believe in reincarnation, you know, so it interests me.
KRISHNA LEADER:
Yeah, well, what’s your religion?
MICKEY:
Well, I was born Jewish, you know, but, uh, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and…it didn’t work for me. I-I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but, you know, Catholicism for me was die now, pay later, you know. And I just couldn’t get with it. And I, and I wanted to, you know. I–
KRISHNA LEADER:
You’re afraid of dying?
MICKEY:
Well…yeah, naturally. Aren’t you? I– L-let me ask you, reincarnation, does that mean my soul would pass to another human being, or would I come back as a moose or an aardvark or something?
KRISHNA LEADER:
Take our literature…
MICKEY:
Uh-huh.
KRISHNA LEADER:
…read it over, and think about it.
MICKEY:
Well, okay. Thank you very much.
KRISHNA LEADER:
You’re welcome. Hare Krishna.
MICKEY:
Who are you kidding? You’re gonna be a Krishna? You’re gonna shave your head and put on robes and dance around at airports? You’ll look like Jerry Lewis. Oh, God, I’m so depressed.
MICKEY:
I…I-I-I-I had to get out of that house. I had to just get out in the fresh air and-and clear my head. And I remember very clearly. I walked the streets. I walked and I walked. I-I didn’t know what was going through my mind. It all seemed so violent and un-unreal to me.
And I wandered… …for a long time on the Upper West Side, you know, an-and it must have been hours! You know, my, my feet hurt. My head was, was pounding, and, and I had to sit down. I went into a movie house. I-I didn’t know what was playing or anything. I just, I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and, and be logical, and, and put the world back into rational perspective.
And I went upstairs to the balcony, and I sat down (sighing) and, you know, the movie was a-a-a film that I’d seen many times in my life since I was a kid, an-and I always u-uh, loved it.
And, you know, I’m, I’m watching these people up on the screen, and I started getting hooked o-on the film, you know? What if there’s no God, and you only go around once and that’s it? Well, you know, don’t you want to be part of the experience?
You know, what the hell, it-i-it’s not all a drag. And I’m thinking to myself, geez, I should stop ruining my life… …searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.
And…you know… …after, who knows? I mean, you know, maybe there is something. Nobody really knows. I know, I know “maybe” is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that’s the best we have. And…then, I started to sit back, and I actually began to enjoy myself.