Austin Powers: Tell us about your childhood

In this clip from the 1997 move ‘Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery,’ Mike Myers plays Doctor Evil describing his childhood to a therapy group

The transcript is from FilmSite.org, in its fascinating Best Speeches and Monologues section, and the video is from here.

Dr. Evil (Mike Myers)
Actually, the boy’s quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He’s quite wily, like his old man.

Scott: This is what I’m talking about.

Therapist: OK. Well, we’ve heard from you, Scott. Now you, tell us a little about yourself.

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

Therapist: Oh no, please please. Let’s hear about your childhood.

Group: Yeah, Come on! Of course, Please! etc.

Dr. Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets.

When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds – pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe.

At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. At the age of 18, I went off to evil medical school. At the age of 25, I took up tap dancing. I wanted to be a quadruple threat — an actor, dancer…

Therapist: You know, we have to stop….

Prince Charles: June 2012: Your Majesty, Mummy

Prince Charles speaks at his mother Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations outside Buckingham Palace on June 5, 2012.

The transcript is from CNN and the video is from the ITV news Youtube channel.

Prince Charles Your Majesty, mummy.

I’m sure you would want me to thank on your behalf all the wonderful people who have made tonight possible. All the performers, the artists, the musicians, the comedians who made such jolly good jokes.

Gary Barlow for helping to make the whole thing possible…

And above all, all those remarkable technicians, all 600 of them behind the scenes, without which nothing would happen.

And if I may say so, Your Majesty, thank God the weather turned out fine…and the reason of course, is because I didn’t do the forecast.

Your Majesty, millions, we are told, dream of having tea with you. Quite a lot of people have very nearly had a picnic dinner with you in the garden of Buckingham Palace. The only sad thing about this evening is that my father couldn’t be here with us because unfortunately, he has taken unwell, but ladies and gentlemen, if we shout loud enough, he might just hear us in hospital…

Your Majesty, a Diamond Jubilee is a unique and special event. Some of us have had the joy of celebrating three jubilees with you. And I have the medals to prove it. And we are now celebrating the life and service of a very special person over the last 60 years.

I was 3 when my grandfather, King George VI, died and suddenly, unexpectedly, your and my father’s lives were irrevocably changed when you were only 26. So as a nation this is our opportunity to thank you and my father for always being there for us, for inspiring us with your selfless duty and service, and for making us proud to be British.

Proud at a time when I know how many of our fellow countrymen are suffering such hardship and difficulties. Proud to be lining the banks of the Thames in their millions, despite the rain and the cold, proud to be part of something as unique as the Commonwealth, which through your leadership has given us that essential sense of unity through diversity. So, Your Majesty, we offer you our humble duty, and with it three resounding cheers for her Majesty the Queen. Hip, hip

(Crowd): Hooray!

Hip, hip —

(Crowd): Hooray!

Hip, hip —

(Crowd): Hooray!

King George VI: September 3, 1939 (‘The King’s Speech’)

King George VI (the father of Queen Elizabeth II) gave this speech on radio after Britain’s declaration of war against Germany on September 3, 1939.

The story of the king and his difficulty speaking due to stuttering was the subject of the 2010 movie ‘The King’s Speech‘ starring Colin Firth as a speech therapist and Geoffrey Rush as the young king.

The music in the film version, which you can see on this Youtube video, is the slow 2nd movement from Beethoven’s 7th symphony.

The transcript is from breakingcopy.com, and the video is from here.

King George VI:

In this grave hour, perhaps the most fateful in our history, I send to every household of my peoples, both at home and overseas, this message, spoken with the same depth of feeling for each one of you as if I were able to cross your threshold and speak to you myself.

For the second time in the lives of most of us, we are at war.

Over and over again, we have tried to find a peaceful way out of the differences between ourselves and those who are now our enemies, but it has been in vain.

We have been forced into a conflict, for we are called, with our allies to meet the challenge of a principle which, if it were to prevail, would be fatal to any civilized order in the world.

It is a principle which permits a state in the selfish pursuit of power to disregard its treaties and its solemn pledges, which sanctions the use of force or threat of force against the sovereignty and independence of other states.
Such a principle, stripped of all disguise, is surely the mere primitive doctrine that might is right, and if this principle were established throughout the world, the freedom of our own country and of the whole British Commonwealth of nations would be in danger.

But far more than this, the peoples of the world would be kept in the bondage of fear, and all hopes of settled peace and of the security of justice and liberty among nations, would be ended.

This is the ultimate issue which confronts us. For the sake of all we ourselves hold dear, and of the world order and peace, it is unthinkable that we should refuse to meet the challenge.

It is to this high purpose that I now call my people at home and my people across the seas who will make our cause their own.

I ask them to stand calm and firm and united in this time of trial.

The task will be hard. There may be dark days ahead, and war can no longer be confined to the battlefield, but we can only do the right as we see the right, and reverently commit our cause to God. If one and all we keep resolutely faithful to it, ready for whatever service or sacrifice it may demand, then with God’s help, we shall prevail.
May He bless and keep us all.

David Cameron: Tribute to Queen Elizabeth, March 2012

On March 7, 2012, David Cameron, the UK’s Prime Minister paid tribute to Queen Elizabeth in the House of Commons on the occasion of mark her Diamond Jubilee.

The transcript is from Hansard, the official publication of the House’s of Parliament in the UK and where the full speech can be seen, and the video is from the Telegraph website.

David Cameron:

On her first address to the nation as Queen, Her Majesty pledged that throughout all her life, and with all her heart, she would strive to be worthy of the people’s trust: this she has achieved beyond question. The nation holds her in its heart, not just as the figurehead of an institution but as an individual who has served this country with unerring grace, dignity and decency.

The reign of Queen Elizabeth has been one of unparalleled change, from rationing through to the jet age, to the space age, to the digital age.

Throughout this extraordinary change, the longest-lived monarch in our history has remained resolutely unchanged in her commitment and studious in her duties. It does not matter whether it is something we suspect she enjoys, like the highland games at Braemar, or things we suspect she might be less keen on, such as spending new year’s eve in the Millennium Dome, she never, ever falters. She has always done her duty, and this stability is essential for our national life.

While the sands of culture shift and the tides of politics ebb and flow, Her Majesty has been a permanent anchor, bracing Britain – bracing Britain against the storms, grounding us in certainty. Crucially, simultaneously, she has moved the monarchy forward. It has been said that the art of progress is to preserve order amid change and change amid order, and in this the Queen is unparalleled.

According to one royal biographer, she has met 4 million people in person. That is equivalent to the entire population of New Zealand. At garden parties alone, she has invited some 2 million people to tea. She is, of course, Queen of 16 countries, and has surely travelled more widely than any other Head of State in history. Like her previous 11 Prime Ministers, I have been struck by Her Majesty’s perspective on world events, and like my predecessors I am truly grateful for the way she handles our national interests.

Last year’s visit to Ireland was a lesson in statecraft. It showed once again that the Queen can extend the hand of friendship like no other. And in all her realms, from Tuvalu to Barbados, from Papua New Guinea to St Vincent and the Grenadines, from Britain to Jamaica, she is loved because she is a Queen of everyone — for each of us and for all of us.

“Diamond” is I believe the appropriate epithet for this jubilee. For 60 years, Her Majesty has been a point of light in our national life — brilliant, enduring and resilient. For that, she has the respect of this House and the enduring affection of all her people.

Queen Elizabeth II: Diamond Jubilee Speech, Westminster, March 2012

On March 20, 2012, Queen Elizabeth gave a speech to both Houses of Parliament in the Palace of Westminster to mark her Diamond Jubilee.

The transcript is from a BBC website, and the video is from the Telegraph website.

Queen Elizabth:

This great institution has been at the heart of the country and the lives of our people throughout its history. As Parliamentarians, you share with your forebears a fundamental role in the laws and decisions of your own age.

Parliament has survived as an unshakeable cornerstone of our constitution and our way of life.

History links monarchs and Parliament, a connecting thread from one period to the next. So, in an era when the regular, worthy rhythm of life is less eye-catching than doing something extraordinary, I am reassured that I am merely the second Sovereign to celebrate a Diamond Jubilee.

As today, it was my privilege to address you during my Silver and Golden Jubilees. Many of you were present ten years ago and some of you will recall the occasion in 1977. Since my Accession, I have been a regular visitor to the Palace of Westminster and, at the last count, have had the pleasurable duty of treating with twelve Prime Ministers.

Over such a period, one can observe that the experience of venerable old age can be a mighty guide but not a prerequisite for success in public office. I am therefore very pleased to be addressing many younger Parliamentarians and also those bringing such a wide range of background and experience to your vital, national work.

During these years as your Queen, the support of my family has, across the generations, been beyond measure. Prince Philip is, I believe, well-known for declining compliments of any kind. But throughout he has been a constant strength and guide. He and I are very proud and grateful that The Prince of Wales and other members of our family are travelling on my behalf in this Diamond Jubilee year to visit all the Commonwealth Realms and a number of other Commonwealth countries.

These overseas tours are a reminder of our close affinity with the Commonwealth, encompassing about one-third of the world’s population. My own association with the Commonwealth has taught me that the most important contact between nations is usually contact between its peoples. An organisation dedicated to certain values, the Commonwealth has flourished and grown by successfully promoting and protecting that contact.

At home, Prince Philip and I will be visiting towns and cities up and down the land. It is my sincere hope that the Diamond Jubilee will be an opportunity for people to come together in a spirit of neighbourliness and celebration of their own communities.

We also hope to celebrate the professional and voluntary service given by millions of people across the country who are working for the public good. They are a source of vital support to the welfare and wellbeing of others, often unseen or overlooked.

And as we reflect upon public service, let us again be mindful of the remarkable sacrifice and courage of our Armed Forces. Much may indeed have changed these past sixty years but the valour of those who risk their lives for the defence and freedom of us all remains undimmed.

The happy relationship I have enjoyed with Parliament has extended well beyond the more than three and a half thousand Bills I have signed into law. I am therefore very touched by the magnificent gift before me, generously subscribed by many of you. Should this beautiful window cause just a little extra colour to shine down upon this ancient place, I should gladly settle for that.

We are reminded here of our past, of the continuity of our national story and the virtues of resilience, ingenuity and tolerance which created it. I have been privileged to witness some of that history and, with the support of my family, rededicate myself to the service of our great country and its people now and in the years to come.